Why Summer Can Feel So Hard for High Achievers (Even When It’s Supposed to Be Relaxing)
Why do high-achieving professionals struggle to relax, even during vacation or summer?
Many high achievers find it hard to rest because their nervous system stays in a constant state of alertness, even when life slows down. When productivity becomes tied to self-worth, stillness can feel unsafe or guilt-inducing. Therapy for burnout and stress can help calm the body, release tension, and make genuine rest feel possible again.
Summer is supposed to be relaxing, right?
But if you're a high-achieving professional, summer can bring up a surprising kind of stress. The pressure to slow down and enjoy yourself can feel… confusing. You might find yourself asking:
Why is it so hard to rest, even when I’m exhausted? Why do I feel guilt or tension when I try to do nothing? Shouldn’t this be easy?
If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.
That Inner Push-Pull: Rest vs. Responsibility
For many high achievers, summer doesn’t just mean warmer weather or time off; it means navigating a clash between parts of yourself.
The part of you that knows your body needs rest…
And the part that asks, “Am I doing enough?”
Maybe you crave stillness, space, and quiet. But when you finally get the chance to slow down, your nervous system doesn’t follow. Your mind spins. Your shoulders stay tight. You find yourself reorganizing the pantry, answering emails, or wondering if you should offer to help more, even on vacation.
Sometimes, staying busy doesn’t feel like a choice; it feels like protection. Protection from guilt, from judgment, from the discomfort of doing nothing.
Summer Brings Its Own Kind of Pressure
The world around us doesn’t always make rest easy.
Summer can mean disrupted routines, kids at home, more social invites, or travel logistics. Even getting to the relaxing parts can be overstimulating: airports, group trips, packed calendars. And then there’s the social comparison that creeps in through highlight reels on Instagram: everyone else seems to be doing summer right.
You might feel guilty for saying no, or for needing time alone. You might feel like you’re falling short, even when you're trying to relax.
Sometimes the season that’s supposed to be fun feels like just another performance.
This place looked peaceful, but my nervous system hadn’t caught up yet.
A Personal Reflection: When My Body Couldn’t Let Go
One summer, I had a paddleboarding trip planned. Something I’d been looking forward to. I had packed everything, trained my dog to ride on my board, and slowly helped him build confidence swimming. A friend and I drove to this beautiful spot. The day was clear. The water was so still that you could see straight to the bottom. My dog was beaming, jumping from board to shore with growing joy.
It should have felt peaceful. And part of me wanted to enjoy it.
But all I could think about was a stressful situation that had happened at work. I kept replaying it in my head, over and over. I knew I was doing it, too. I tried grounding techniques, focusing on my surroundings, and breathing deeper. But the buzzing in my chest wouldn’t let up. My nervous system was still in go-and-fix-it mode.
Even in the most beautiful, remote part of the river, I couldn’t shake the pressure.
I remember feeling a deep weight in my chest and a kind of guilt, not wanting to ruin the day for my friend by bringing it up again. So I stayed quiet and kept trying to force myself to have fun. I would look at my dog, smiling and proud as he swam beside me, and feel these brief flickers of joy. But then the voice would return: You don’t deserve to enjoy this.
Logically, I understood what was happening. I knew this stress response was tied to an old belief: a well-worn story about needing to stay alert, responsible, and productive. But knowing it didn’t stop my body from bracing.
That experience stayed with me. It reminded me that even when things look calm on the outside, the body might still be holding tension, guilt, or fear. Sometimes, the hardest part of rest isn’t the logistics, it’s the internal permission.
Are You Performing Rest? Or Actually Experiencing It?
High-functioning stress often lives in the body, not just the mind.
Even when your calendar says “rest,” your nervous system may still be running.
You might be performing relaxation: doing the things that look like rest (lounging, reading, sitting outside) while your body stays braced and your mind stays active. You might even wonder why you still feel exhausted after downtime.
Here’s a gentle somatic reflection:
When you try to relax, what happens in your body?
Do your shoulders stay tense? Does your mind start a to-do list?
Does your stomach clench? Do you feel guilty for not helping?
You don’t have to change it or fix it. Just notice. Noticing alone is powerful.
A Different Way Is Possible
The discomfort around rest doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s often a sign of deep patterns — of living in survival mode, of working hard to earn your worth, of being the one who holds everything together.
But rest doesn’t have to be earned. And it doesn’t have to be performative.
You don’t have to go from all-or-nothing burnout or total stillness. You can begin with gentle awareness. You can pause and ask, What happens inside me when I try to rest? And what might I need in this moment?
That’s where healing begins: in noticing, not forcing.
A Gentle Invitation
This week, if you find yourself struggling to rest or feeling like you should be enjoying yourself more, take a moment to pause.
Ask yourself:
What do I notice in my body when I slow down?
What thoughts or emotions come up when I try to rest?
Can I let those parts of me be here without needing to fix them?
You’re not alone. And it’s okay if rest doesn’t come easily.
That awareness you bring to it, that’s the beginning of something different.
More About Rest, Stress, and High Achievement
Q: Why do I feel guilty for resting when I’m tired?
A: High achievers often carry internalized beliefs that rest equals laziness or lost progress. These old messages can trigger guilt or anxiety when you try to slow down. Learning to separate your worth from productivity — and understanding your nervous system’s need for rest — helps ease that guilt over time.
Q: What does it mean to “perform rest”?
A: Performing rest means doing restful activities (like reading or relaxing outside) while your body and mind remain tense or preoccupied. You look calm on the outside but still feel on edge inside. True rest comes from helping your body feel safe enough to relax, not from checking off “self-care” as another task.
Q: How can somatic or body-based therapy help with burnout?
A: Somatic therapy helps you notice physical signs of tension and teaches ways to regulate your nervous system. Through awareness and gentle practices, you can release stored stress, quiet mental overdrive, and feel more present in your downtime.
Q: What are small ways to practice real rest this summer?
A: Start with 5–10 minutes of quiet time where you do nothing but notice your breath or your surroundings. Step away from screens, spend time in nature, or listen to your body’s cues instead of your to-do list. Rest doesn’t have to be earned — it’s part of being human.
Written by Sara Gourley, LPC
Sara Gourley, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor in Boise, Idaho, supporting highly sensitive and high-achieving adults across Idaho through online therapy. She helps clients manage stress, perfectionism, and burnout by restoring balance between mind, body, and purpose.