How I work

You may already understand yourself really well.

You may have read the books, learned the coping skills, or spent years thinking about where your patterns came from. You might even be the person other people come to for insight.

And yet, knowing why doesn't always change what happens when someone is disappointed in you, you need to set a boundary, or the familiar voice in your head says you're getting it wrong.

So we won't just collect more insight. We'll pay attention to what happens in real time: in your thoughts, emotions, body, relationships, and even between us. Sometimes the next step is having a different experience of yourself, right there in the room.

So, what actually happens in a session?

It depends on what you need that day.

In our sessions, we might notice what happens when you talk about disappointing someone, including the feelings, thoughts, or physical responses that show up, and begin exploring what makes it difficult to respond differently.

Sometimes we'll slow down and notice what's underneath a story you've told yourself a hundred times.

Sometimes I'll name a pattern I'm noticing, and we'll get curious about it together.

Sometimes I'll ask what you're noticing in your body, especially when your mind has already analyzed everything from every angle.

Sometimes we'll practice a boundary or try out words you can take into your week.

And sometimes something unexpected happens that matters more than whatever we planned to talk about.

We can follow what's alive without losing sight of where you're trying to go.

The ideas behind how I work

If you like understanding the why behind things, these are the approaches that shape our work together.

Gestalt therapy: We pay attention to what's happening now, not only what happened then. An emotion that shows up mid-story. A shift in your body. Something you suddenly want to pull away from. Even what's happening between the two of us. Awareness gives you choice, and choice is where change begins.

Parts work: Maybe part of you wants to set a boundary, and another part is terrified of disappointing someone. Part of you is exhausted, and another absolutely refuses to stop. Rather than deciding one part is the problem, we'll get curious about what purpose each one serves, so you have more say in which one leads.

Attachment & Emotionally Focused Therapy: Many of the ways we cope, handle conflict, or decide whether it's safe to have needs were shaped in relationships. Emotionally Focused Therapy helps us reach the emotions and needs underneath those patterns. Sometimes our relationship becomes a place to notice them as they happen, and try something different.

Body awareness & mindfulness: Sometimes your body knows something before your thinking mind does. We may notice sensations, tension, or shifts in your nervous system, at your pace. The goal is to have access to more of your experience than your thoughts alone.

And sometimes, something practical. Sometimes a concept makes something click. Sometimes you need a concrete strategy, or a chance to rehearse a hard conversation before you have it. We'll use what's useful for you, not a technique just because it's the one I happen to use.

EMDR and structured CBT can be really helpful approaches. They’re just not what I offer. If one of those is what you’re looking for, I’m glad to help you find a therapist who specializes in it.

You get a say in how we do this.

If something isn't working, I want to know. If I misunderstand you, tell me. If something I suggest doesn't fit, you don't have to make it fit. If you need more structure, or more space, we can talk about that, too.

I bring clinical training. You bring the experience of actually living your life. I don't want you assuming I know better just because I'm the therapist.

For people who've spent years accommodating, second-guessing themselves, or reading the room, this can become part of the work: practicing saying what you need, disagreeing, changing your mind, and finding out the relationship can handle it.

You don't have to adapt yourself to me for therapy to work.