Therapy for People-Pleasing & Perfectionism

You carry more pressure than people realize.

You notice what someone needs before they ask. You replay conversations, wondering if you said the wrong thing. You say yes because no feels harder, and you keep working on something long after anyone else would have called it done.

From the outside, it looks like you’re thoughtful and capable. You are. It’s also exhausting when you can’t turn it off.

I know this pattern from the inside.

For years, anticipating what other people needed was literally my job, and I took pride in it. So I understand how natural it can feel, and how much it can quietly cost.

What I notice in this work is that people-pleasing and perfectionism usually make sense once we understand them. They often started as a way to stay connected, keep the peace, or stay one step ahead of criticism. For some people, they’re connected to relational trauma or emotional neglect. For others, they come with being a highly sensitive person who notices everything. I’m less interested in getting rid of them than in helping you have a choice about when you use them.

Saying no starts with knowing where your no is.

Sometimes people-pleasing is so practiced that you’ve already said yes before you’ve asked yourself what you want. You might not realize something is too much until you’re overwhelmed, or feel irritated without realizing one of your boundaries was crossed.

So boundaries can start with learning yourself: what something costs you, and what you actually have room for. Then comes learning that someone can dislike your boundary, and you can still have it.

And then there’s the voice that notices everything you missed.

You should have handled that better. You talked too much. Why didn’t you catch that? They’re probably upset with you.

That voice can be so familiar you barely hear it anymore. Instead of trying to silence it, I’m curious about it: when it gets louder, and what purpose it serves. Understanding how it works is often what gives you a choice about whether to listen.

These patterns show up in therapy, too.

Maybe you agree with me quickly, then realize later you weren’t so sure. You can disagree with me, correct me, or change your mind. Part of this work can be seeing what it’s like to take up more room in a relationship, and finding out the relationship can hold it.